Researchers at Harvard have given a name to a crisis that many of us have quietly felt in our own lives: the “friendship recession” (Harvard University, 2025). It’s the slow but steady decline in the number, depth, and quality of our close relationships, a shift with ripple effects on our health, identity, and sense of belonging.
Building and maintaining friendships in adulthood can feel like swimming upstream. Careers, families, and geography all conspire to shrink our social circles. But these bonds are worth fighting for.
In place of swipes and status updates, Herdle is a digital platform that offers the simple power of showing up for anyone who has ever wished that making friends as an adult was as easy as it used to be. Instead of algorithms and endless scrolling, Herdle enables you to create intimate, welcoming gatherings where connection occurs naturally, just as it has for generations, through shared moments, engaging conversations, and simply being in the same space. There’s no pressure to “perform,” no need to curate an image, just the chance to show up as you are.
Why Friendships Get Harder with Age
The bonds that once felt effortless now require planning, persistence, and often a leap of faith. Part of the challenge is structural. Research shows that it takes approximately 50 hours of shared time to turn an acquaintance into a casual friend, and closer to 200 hours to form a deep bond. Those hours need to be the right kind: continuous, unplanned interaction coupled with shared vulnerability.
In childhood and adolescence, the formula is built into our environments. Schools, sports teams, after-school clubs, and university halls provide repeated opportunities and safe spaces to open up. Over time, trust and connection develop almost without conscious thought.
By the time we reach adulthood, those spaces vanish. Workplaces may provide frequent contact, but professional norms keep conversation polite and emotionally guarded. Outside the office, the pressures of commuting, caregiving, and running a household fracture our time and scatter our social circles. Outside the office, the logistics of commuting, family responsibilities, and dispersed social circles mean fewer chances for spontaneous connection, fewer opportunities for shared openness, and a growing gap between the friendships we have and the ones we need. Unless we actively seek out the right conditions, the building blocks of friendship never come together.
Herdle’s model addresses this gap by curating small, welcoming meet-ups that mimic those lost conditions: regular contact, shared experiences, and, most importantly, the freedom to be ourselves.
Friendship as the Foundation for Health & Happiness
Adults with strong friendships tend to have richer social lives and healthier relationships in all spheres, whether romantic, familial, or professional. Being part of a reliable support network can help buffer the sting of loneliness and aid in recovery from life’s inevitable setbacks. Support from friends even spills over, boosting engagement and satisfaction in other close relationships (Rodrigues et al., 2017). And when friends offer encouragement and affirmation, those bonds become more satisfying and resilient over time (Pezirkianidis et al., 2023).
Decades of longitudinal studies show that the quality of our friendships and the time we spend socialising with friends are among the most reliable predictors of well-being. Even more, meta-analyses show that for our longevity, social connection matters even more than diet or exercise (APA, 2023). For us as deeply social creatures, friendships are not a luxury; in fact, they are critical to our health and to our sense of self. We discover parts of ourselves through others, borrowing and blending pieces of their perspectives, values, and experiences into our own identity. This exchange enriches us, gives us a sense of fullness, and anchors us in the world.
When those friendships fade, the impact goes beyond loneliness. We risk not only physical health problems but also a quiet erosion of our identity, akin to a feeling of permanent social unease, of not quite knowing where we belong. Maintaining strong connections is not simply about having company; it is about sustaining the very fabric of who we are.
Steven Crane, MS, a social engagement research scholar at Stanford, points out that loneliness is far from a fringe issue (Stanford University, 2023). “Robust estimates suggest it affects anywhere from a third to well over half of people in industrialised societies,” he says. Healthy social networks, by contrast, act as a potent health shield that boosts the odds of long-term survival by up to 50%. Loneliness, however, is tied to a cascade of harm, from disrupted sleep to poorer physical health and heightened risk of mental health problems.
The Intentional Way Back Towards Belonging with Herdle
Adult friendships require intention, carving out time for regular contact, seeking out spaces where genuine connections can form, and treating friendship as a long-term investment in your health and happiness. It may not happen as organically as it did in school or university, but in adulthood, the friendships you choose to nurture can pay dividends for decades.
Yet too many of us cling to the comforting myth that friendship “just happens.” But it actually means taking small social risks, even when the fear of rejection nags. It means putting in the hours, not because we’re keeping score, but because friendship thrives on accumulated moments, not occasional grand gestures.
In youth, friendship is a byproduct of circumstance. In adulthood, it is a matter of personal choice. And when we make that choice consistently, the rewards compound: friendships that buffer us against loneliness, enrich every other relationship, and anchor us through life’s inevitable storms.
Whether after a move, a breakup, or a long stretch of disconnection, Herdle provides a way back, not to more screen time, but to the quiet relief of shared space, shared breath, and the joy of feeling part of something again. For adults navigating the friendship recession, Herdle is both a meeting place and a reminder: connection is built, not found, and the investment is worth it.
As adults, most of us don’t lose friends because we stop caring. We lose them because life gets crowded.
Instead of keeping you on a screen, Herdle invites you into thoughtfully curated gatherings —small enough to feel personal, yet open enough to welcome anyone. These events are designed to spark unforced conversations and shared experiences, the kind that research shows are essential for turning strangers into friends.
